Unsolicited Sighted Helpers: The Six Most Common Types and How to Deal with Them

My methods are effective—only one has ever told me to go die

Two quick notes up top. First, my apologies, but I have had a cold for a few days that has destroyed my voice. Trust me when I say you don’t want me in your earbuds right now. So the podcast version of this one will come out once my voice has returned.

Second, starting next week, I’m making a change in what I’m doing here at Deep Sy. I’m still going to be sending you these stories and the accompanying podcast every other week. But on the alternate weeks, I will be posting podcast episodes that expand on what I’m doing here. The first will be based on a listener’s question from the survey I recently sent out (which only has one required question and you should fill it out to inspire more episodes!), and I have some very fun ideas for things to come after that. These alternate-week podcasts will only be available to paid subscribers. Unfortunately, writing 1500 words or more (a lot more, in this week’s case), and making those words high-quality is taking up a little too much of my freelancer time. So this new plan will allow me to keep putting out things I think, based on your feedback, you will enjoy just as much, while making a little more wiggle room in my schedule. Thank you so much for your understanding! And now, without further ado, this week’s story!

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Blind people, you know how it is. You’re walking along somewhere in public. You know exactly where you are and where you’re going. You’re minding your own business, and along comes a sighted person who is 100% certain you are in dire need of their help getting somewhere. What do you do? By which I of course mean how do you get rid of them?

I’ve been the target of these people for almost 20 years, ever since I first used a white cane. I have a lot of stories and wisdom to share.

This is my guide to the six most common types of unsolicited sighted helpers: the simple question asker, the random information provider, the distance shooter, the clinger, the grabber, and the panic screamer. As you and I both know, the provision of unrequested help is endless. And therefore, so is the threat of it coming at any moment. The information is useless, the assumptions are condescending, and the whole thing is exhausting. So I’m going to tell you how I deal with these six types efficiently while also trying to have a good time along the way because we deserve that. Hopefully this will provide a jumping-off point for your own ideas about how you might respond to these unwelcome intruders.

1. The Simple Question Asker

Let’s start with the most basic type: the person who just walks up and asks if you need help finding something. Many times a brief, “No thanks” will do the trick. But for whatever reason, many sighted people seem uncomfortable directly asking whether you need help, or asserting that they believe they can provide that help. Their questions when they approach you will beat around the bush.

“Which way are you headed, sir?” I give them a small smile and say, “This way,” pointing straight ahead in the direction I’m walking. They usually either leave or continue the conversation knowing that there’s a possibility of me messing with them a little. A lot of people chuckle at themselves. If they do, I know I may have just met a teachable new friend.

Another variant. Just after law school, I worked in lower Manhattan. Every day, I walked from a subway station down the street to where the courthouses are. I wore a suit, carried a briefcase, and walked among many other besuited briefcase carriers. Occasionally, one of them would ask me, “Where are you going sir?”

The answer: “Work. Where are you going?” Again, fun people will get it and laugh at themselves. Maybe even join the joke, saying, “Me too. What are the odds?” I give myself full permission to let everyone who isn’t fun go on their confused and/or annoyed way. They’ll be fine.

The idea is this: if they don’t directly ask whether I want them to help me get somewhere, I directly answer whatever evasive question they asked instead. Since we both know what they were actually asking, my unexpected answer provides an opportunity for them to reflect on their discomfort. And my readiness to engage in some light verbal jousting can clue them in that I’m not really in need. Some hypothetical examples:

Q: How can I help?

A: That depends. What would you say are your strongest skills?

Q: What are you looking for, sir?

A: Oh, I can’t actually look for things. You see, I’m blind. That’s why I have this cane.

Q: What do you need, boss?

A: (suddenly emotional) Now that you ask, I think the honest answer is… love.