HR Rep Caught off Guard by Blind Job Candidate

The fount of corporate wisdom runs dry

Hear me read this post on the Deep Sy podcast!

I’m positively tickled I get to conduct nine straight informational interviews this morning. Let’s look out into the waiting area.

“Okay, who do I have first? Is Jared here? Hi Jar—”

AH! That’s a… he’s got, that’s a white cane! But how… how did I miss this? He didn’t put that in his cover letter! But, but the differently abled always say that’s who they are in cover letters. I mean, it’s one piece of who they are. Did I just define someone by a single characteristic? Wow, Derek, get it together! What does that “verbal ecosystem” poster your new boss Kim hung in the break room say? “Words are seeds we plant that grow the workplace environment.” Root yourself in that mantra.

Oh no! He said hi and asked how I am. I’m shaking his hand. How long have I been doing that? Golly have I just been staring at his cane??? Quick, say something!

“I’m well, thank you. I’ll see you in now.”

See you in now?! Derek, where on earth is your lexical stewardship this morning? It’s like you didn’t even attend Kim’s Acoustics of Allyship workshop.

“So, Jared, tell me a little bit about yourself.”

Alright, while he talks, get a grip on yourself. Why did his sight loss startle you? Be brave. There’s no room for able-bodied fragility here. You have to look your toxic notions straight in the eye—look straight in the eye? Again, Derek?

I’m just going to admit it: I don’t know how blind people do jobs. Do I have to hire two people? Jared to have the job, and another person to, you know, do the job?

I almost threw up just thinking that! It’s like my stomach rejects intolerance!

How am I so unprepared for this?! Maybe Kim focuses a tad too much on “beautifying our linguistic landscaping,” and a smidge too little on workplace logistics? No, stop! Kim is helping. Why, she was the first person you heard say, “Every utterance is a micro-action co-curating a collective phonetic atmosphere.” Come to think of it, she’s the only person you’ve heard say that.

Oh, he stopped talking.

“Thank you for that answer. I honor it. Now let me take a look at—Ah! Sorry, I meant read—your resume here. Tell me about your time at Coca-Cola.”

Did Coke have to hire two people???

Ugh, shut up, Derek! Let’s break down the problem. What can blind people do? Um, just brainstorm. No bad ideas. Anything at all…

Wait, Stevie Wonder! And Ray Charles! So they can sing and play piano. Can the White ones?

What? Why would you think that? Besides, this company makes computer parts. We’re not hiring recording artists.

Come on, what else do they do? Um… Daredevil is probably not a realistic example. Oh! Helen Keller! She… what did she do?

You know what? This is just revealing your personal blind spots—OH MY GOD DEREK STOP! Personal ignorance. You meant to think ignorance. Obviously you can’t ask Jared what he’s capable of doing. It’s not his job to educate you. Also that would look really bad in a deposition.

Ah, he’s done with whatever he said.

“Sounds like that was really rewarding. Now tell me, where do you hear yourself in five years? … Sorry? Oh, I, well, I was trying not to say… where do you plan to be in five years.”

You need some sage wisdom here. What does Kim say? “When our values are our compass, empathy is our north star, and the wind of curiosity is at our sails, the moral course we chart will ripple throughout the world.”

Wait, uh-oh… Is Kim… full of crap?

Well, that is disappointing. At the risk of sounding crass, I’d even say it sucks. You’re just gonna have to think your own thoughts then, Derek. Yuck, I don’t like this at all. Okay, discrimination is bad, right? Jared can do whatever he wants, like anyone else. Yes, I won’t assume anything at all. I will offer him a job as a graphic designer. An office decorator. A driver!

Wait… wait a minute! Derek, you ding dong. The answer was staring right at you the whole time! Is “staring” okay to think? Oh, who gives a rat’s patooty? WOO! We’re gettin’ spicy!

You’re literally holding Jared’s resume. Read it! What he can do is right there. How did you not think of that? Unbelievable! I would smack you in the forehead if there wasn’t someone else here. Actually, he can’t see you. I am going to smack you!

“What? You heard that? Oh right, of course you could hear that. Uh, there was a fly in here. I completely missed it and hit myself. Yeah, ha-ha, I’m so blind.”

DAMN IT!